There’s a ‘to do’ list as long as someone with very long arms arm of books that I am in the midst of planning and writing (with James, my husband who illustrates and designs them and their covers). They range from dark and quirky illustrated stories for children, the second Mortal End mystery through to my very own personal story.
Right now, apart from those people who personally know and care about me, why would my own trials and tribulations be of any interest to you? Well, the reason for any author to create a blog is to share ourselves and our writing with the people who enjoy or are interested in what we have to say. I am so new to this that I am very much at the beginning of finding my audience and I think that the only way for us to meet virtually is for me to post ‘my truths’ and hope that you appreciate and gain something from reading them.
Over the past few days I have started posting what are extremely painful memories of my childhood. If you read those memories (My Story) you will soon see why it has taken me until now to start putting those words down.
As memories surface throughout my days, I would in normal circumstances, push them away or distract myself. I have c-PTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) due to an early life that was lived like I was in battle. I literally feared for my survival and my sanity.
As if seeking the antidote to the sheer terror and desolation of the early part of my life, I then spent many years working in the entertainment industry and have been fortunate to have met and experienced many larger than life moments and people whose lives are also out of the ordinary. I will share those moments, too.
Twenty years ago or thereabouts, I was asked by a publishing agent to tell my story. I think it was at a time when ‘survivor’ stories were in the best-seller’s lists and being promoted daily by Oprah Winfrey. At that time, I wasn’t ready to put any of my experiences down on paper. I wasn’t ready to look at them in real life, let alone share them. Now I think I am as ready as I am ever going to be and am going to spend time writing short excerpts in order to put those specific moments down in words and in doing so hope to find my ‘voice.’
I have already received some amazing personal messages from people sharing their stories of similar experiences and realise that ultimately, whichever way we choose to deal with abuse and abandonment is absolutely the right way. As Maya Angelou said, “We do what we know and when we know better, we do better.” That’s all any of us can ever aspire to.
I want to be honest (with myself more than anything) facing up to the fullness of each recollection and the impact it really had, for bad and for good and for you and for me. As ‘they’ say – there are three sides to every story; yours, theirs and the truth. The best I can do is tell my side as truthfully as possible.
Thanks for joining me on this challenging journey.