If you are wondering how day 3 is going, it’s currently the worst day so far. Mum has literally been groaning since she got up – hours of continuous moaning as if she is in the worst pain – she is refusing to do anything, eat anything, drink anything and is being extremely belligerent and aggressive. Having been beaten by her for the first 20 years of my life, this is bringing up all sorts of triggers. Add to that, my lack of sleep since she got home, thumping migraine and not even having time to sh*t = living hell. Not sure how I won this particular lottery but 54 years of an utter nightmare existence, when all I have tried to do is the right thing is making me think that doing the wrong thing might be more appealing and successful.
I feel like I am in a living nightmare that is never going to end, where everything is and has always been focused on my mother’s wellbeing whilst we have absolutely miserable lives trying to deal with it all. Please send help. 
Toula Mavridou-Messer 
Are there other options besides the ‘scare’ home that are reputable just in case?
Of course at first it must be rocky, and if not calming down after a bit, it might be worth looking in to just to have choices.
It is incredibly hard, even for the best of places. But good places have more people to share the load and teams of those with experience in a variety of diagnoses. I’m not saying it’s time to give up, just to explore. Might help you feel a bit of relief just knowing.
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The reason we have Mum home is because of the horrendous experiences we have had in a series of homes. Mum is now fully diabetic, due to the food she has been fed in the latest care home, who have refused to feed Mum safe, healthy food instead. She was being given refined carbs (including cakes and biscuits) all day – presumably because they are cheap and the scare home wants to up their profits. Mum has also been given back to us with feet so sore that she can barely move from room to room, when she was fully able to walk for miles at a time, because they did not put her in appropriate footwear. Mum was also left to freeze in the cold, and overheat in many layers in the heat of summer. The list of issues is endless and not one of the issues could not have been resolved with some common sense and support from our local authority. No new care home had been sourced in many months. We were being sent details of homes that cost c. £2K per week, who were also illegally insisting that Mum and any visitors (i.e. us) were fully jabbed, which was not going to happen. We felt we had no choice but to do this. It was never an ideal solution, just the only solution available. Thank you so much for your kindness and suggestions – all of which are 100% right – in an ideal world.
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Sorry, didn’t mean to upset you further. I read most of that already but didn’t realize there had been other homes just as bad.
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Oh, really no need to apologise – you haven’t upset me at all. The system stinks and for the most part appears to be focused on providing the least amount of care for the most amount of profit. There are so many of us (literally tens of thousands in the UK, if not higher than that) all dealing with the exact same issues. No one is listening or acting on that, just pretending to be concerned and shuffling bits of paper about or giving speeches about it. Thankfully, our experiences are not as bad as some, which are beyond description.
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You are doing a tremendous thing for your Mom. I wish more children would put in so much care and effort for a parent. Kudos, and much luck.
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Thank you so much. You are so kind and supportive.
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